Monday, December 19, 2005

A New Song.

Last year, at this time, I had my best friend and her daughter staying with me. Living quarters were cramped. The children were standing in line to murder each other by violent means and we had more animals than we did humans. But K and I were TOGETHER. This 3-hour drive to see each other is going to be the end of me. Seriously, I may just wither up and blow away without her constant guidance in regards to my sock folding and paperwork filing. Who is going to show me how where to file a letter from SBC about stocks? Does that go under personal or business? SBC or general income? I need my personal secretary/life support back...

Last year I was singing this tune -


On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.


On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine liquid miracle bras,
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.


On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten tripped out hippies,
Nine liquid miracle bras,
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me,
Eleven inches of........... yarn,
Ten tripped out hippies,
Nine liquid miracle bras,
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes!

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me,
Twelve FUCKING PETS!,
Eleven inches of........... yarn,
Ten tripped out hippies,
Nine liquid miracle bras,
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.


This year I'm singing this tune -

Those two chicks are
gone as you can see
I don't know just who
to blame for this catastrophe!
But my one wish on Christmas Eve
is as plain as it can be!

All I want for Christmas
is my one Daisymae,
my one Daisymae,
see my one Daisymae!

Gee, if I could only
have my crazy old friend,
then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas."
(I should say that I'm singing (badly) along with "My Two Front Teeth".

I can't wait to see you both!


10 Comments:

Blogger Dan said...

I think you should invest in a program, like Pro Tools or something, and make that song into a catchy little single. Then just promote the shit out of it at your local radio stations.

It can be like the Hamster Dance, but better.

2:19 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Go ahead dan.. Make fun of me while I sob my eyes out helplessly... Thanks.


Lets see some sympathy here people!

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