Friday, July 08, 2005

I'm not committed - yet...

I've gotten a few emails from some very sweet (but with obviously no life to speak of) people, wondering where I've been. Why I haven't blogged?...Which jail am I in?... What mental hospital do I now call home?... Well, the answer is D. none of the above. (But, just barely.) I did go through a very rough patch with my bi-polar self-induced dementia, also known as B.S. I didn't check myself into any mental hospitals, and I managed to talk C. out of committing me. (Thanks honey! I hate hospital food.) What I did do was sleep alot, act grumpy, stop eating on occasion and most depressing - stop taking my meds. If you're bi-polar - listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth - DON'T STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION. EVER.

Don't worry. I didn't start dating a gangster or take a job as a coctail waitress in an all-nude strip club. (Don't laugh. Those things really happen.)

The good news is that I've been taking my medication regularly for about 2 months now, the bad news is that my Mom, who has been ill for a long time now, has taken a turn for the worse. 17 years ago she underwent a heart transplant, today her heart is giving out. Her heart is not pumping fast enough to keep up with the flow of blood, and it's systematically affecting all of her internal organs. I found out today that she has to go on dialysis Monday. All I know is that I'm shaken to my very core. I know that she will feel better because her blood will improve but all I can think about - is that my beautiful, young, 47-year old Mother has no more kidney function. And that freaks me the fuck out.

Where was I?

Oh yea.. Where have I been?

Freaking the fuck out.