Thursday, January 27, 2005

Wicked Interview no. 2

After interviewing Kelly, I realized that she was one of those people that I will never really know. She is smart, talented, spunky and sweet. She rarely watches tv and hates when people read over her shoulder. (God, I hate that too!) She loves musicals, flavored lip gloss and Old Navy Jeans. Kelly is ultra-competitive and currently attending school to get her Ph.D. Get this folks, she turned down the opportunity to go to Medical School. She is one smart cookie. She plays the violin and only eats nuts when she wants to swell up to the size of Kirstie Alley. Kelly loves to have her neck kissed and secretly fantasizes about Dave Matthews.

Kelly, you handled my invasive questions with amazing aplomp. I'm honored to call you my friend. Online or otherwise.

On to the questions -



1. What's your name and do you know what it would have been, had you been a boy?


My name is Kelly. I don't post my last name online, but let me assure you that my first and last named coupled are the most unoriginal pair ever. My mother wanted to give me a good Irish name. She was hell bent on me being a girl. If I had been a boy, she probably would have demanded that the doctor perform a little "cosmetic surgery" and I could be really screwed up right now. ;-)

Well, look on the bright side. If the doctor had screwed up and left the "boy stuff", your name would have been appropriate either way.

*Shakes at the thought of Kelly the hermaphrodite*

Boy stuff is icky. I am glad I lacked the parts from birth.

2. Do you have any children? What are their names? If you don't have any, do you have any names picked out?

I don't have children. But if I ever have a son, his name will be Lysander after the character from Shakesphere's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" because I think it is a beautiful name. And I will kick the shit out of any of his little classmates that try to make fun of him because of it. See...thinking ahead. :)

Why don't you just name him "Sue"?

Hmph. You are one of the evil parents I will need the taser for. Oh yes. I will dominate the PTA to make sure those bitches don't make fun of my son's beautiful name.

Hey, remind me not to piss you off.

3. Do you hate the very thought of children and completely resent the last question?

I hate the thought of pushing something roughly
the size of a watermelon out of a hole smaller than a tennis ball. Other than that, I think kids are great, which is why I plan to adopt any that I have. Besides the obvious selfish reasons, it isn't important to me that my children actually have my blood and there are so many already here that aren't being given a fair shot so I'd rather give an opportunity to one of those than bring another into the world. If this is an issue for my future husband, I might consider having one. Or perhaps by then the wonders of science will allow him to carry our love child to term. One can only hope.

Adoption is a very honorable choice. I'm always astounded at the selflessness of foster parents and adoptive parents. Plus, you have something to blackmail them with when they're
sixteen.

Plus if they come out fucked up, I won't have to worry that it was MY recessive genes that did it. *nods*

Yea, I've always wondered how my Mom felt about that...

4. How many brothers and sisters do you have? Tell me a funny story about you and a sibling. (if you have one)

I have one brother who is 11 years old. When he was in pre-K, he went to a private Baptist school. They were putting on their little Christmas pagent so I went to watch. And there I see my brother, sitting in a pew, with one arm around one girl and one arm around another. A player at 5 years old. *shakes head* I blame my mother. She taught him how to do pretty eyes at the ladies in the hair salon to get extra candy. Ever since then, he flirts with everyone.

I know how them Baptist' are. Playas. My over-sexed husband is a Baptist. A BIG ASS Southern one.

I once dated a guy who was Southern Baptist. I am nondenominational and his pastor told us we were both going to hell, me for not being baptist and my bf for "yolking with an unbeliever".

Yea, I tried "yolking" once, I found it to be a bit messy for my tastes.

5. What's your current occupation and what was the WORST job ever.

I am a student by day and citylife goddess by night. I also work on a Crisis Hotline and at an impatient clinic for homeless drug addicts who have been dually diagnosed with mental disorders. I do clinical assessments there. But I don't get paid for any of that. My worst job ever was in the fast-food industry when I was 16. Never EVER again.

Did you go home smelling like fried chicken every day?

No. There was no chicken involved. And if there would have been I would have refused to touch it.

*Sigh* You're a lucky girl Kelly. My first job was at Kentucky Fried Chicken and the supervisor walked around the restaurant with no shoes on. Fried chicken will never be the same.

6. If you were a condiment; which condiment would you be and why?

Salsa. Because it's hot and addicting and will surprise you when your gaurd is down. ;)

I hope you don't burn anyone's mouth... Hot Cha cha cha.

7. I read on your blog that your 4'11" tall; tell me one way in which being "shorter" has affected your personality.

It has made me the queen of batting my eyelashes to get boys to do things for me. This skill was derived from first being cute in order to commission boys to get tall things, but it has overflowed into other aspects of life for which I sometimes require a manslave...err...assistant. :)

Does this require the use of leather as well? I could let you borrow my C's cuffs.

8. When you lay your head down at night, to drift off after a long days work, what is the one thing that is sure to spring to mind.

"6 a.m. is going to hurt". LOL.

Especially after a party filled with margaritas and "assistance from the assistant".

9. Have you ever had sex in a car? Give me every juicy detail.

Looking for some ideas, Jenn? ;) Nice girls don't kiss and tell. :P

It was worth a try.

10. Do you believe in Astrology (i.e. horoscopes, palm reading, fortune telling) or in other words- Hey baby, What's your sign?

No. And if a guy ever said that to me I would contemplate kicking him.


Or you could punch him. Especially if he's really REALLY tall, because then it would be right at that perfect height for him to truly remember not to EVER ask you about your sign again. ;-)

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I SO want to party with you Kelly.

Go. Check her out. Leave a comment.
(Tell her that Jenny sent you.)


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