Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Wicked Interview no. 1

As I wander in out of your blogs, reading and getting to know you, I find myself wanting to know more. I find myself wanting to know things that no meme has ever covered; like what type of toothpaste you use and if you like to have your ears nibbled. I felt myself being transported back, way back to 1990 and my brief stint as a hard-hitting reporter for the PaImer high school yearbook committee. {*sigh* the good 'ole days} I feel the need to get to know you better, to unlock the secrets to your hidden laundry habits and shower gel preferences. Did you go to your Senior Prom? Did you get the girl? Do you wear socks with your sandals?

I couldn't decide who to begin with first, but pride took over and dictated that I start with the person closest to me. That way, if I fuck up royally or make myself look like a total ass, it will have been in front of someone who HAS to like me. My sister-friend, Krista was forced happy to be my first interviewee. Wicked.

Hey sweetie, Thank you SO much for being my first participant. Just think when I'm famous and on the Oprah show for my in depth blogger interviews, you can say that you were the first. Haha!

I'm really excited to be here and to be able to participate in such a
landmark event. It's an honor I will cherish and carry to my grave. I
am getting a plaque for this right?

Ummmm... well... actually, I wasn't planning on giving out plaques. I was thinking about making a bunch of those really cool buttons like we did in 6th grade. Remember those? Buttons are super-duper cool. Plaques are so 1993. But, if you really REALLY want a plaque, I'll make sure that you get one.

I want my damn plaque.

Fine, ok. Such hostility! Can we move on to the questions now?


Tell me your name, age, occupation, marital status and anything else extremely personal that you wouldn't mind the entire internet knowing about.

What's in a name? I have several, the most common being my birth name, Krista Michelle. I will be the ripe age of 33 come July 23rd. I am currently self employed, but desperately seeking a full time job with benefits, like a regular paycheck. I have been divorced since 2001, and recently broke off an engagement.

Don't you mean the ripe OLD age of 33?

No, I didn't mean that.

and just how big of an asshole was your ex?

Yeah, I can pick them can't I?

That's an understatement.

Where did you grow up and did anything in particular happen to permanently scar your eating habits.

I grew up in a small town in North Central Texas, on a street called Cosey. I grew up in a southern home, with the mentality that you will try everything on the table. You don't have to like it, but you have to try it. I absolutely hated oatmeal. Well, my mother decided to force me to eat it. Wasn't pretty, I threw up oatmeal all over the kitchen. So, yeah, you could say I was scarred by that. I have serious texture issues when it comes to food now.

Ewwww. I'm sorry I asked.

Who was your best friend, and is she the most wonderful, trusted friend you've ever had in your whole entire life?

Um...well. She's this mentally unbalanced redhead, quite quirky, would lose her ass if it wasn't attached and is absolutely the coolest chic I know.

Maybe I she should try that losing the ass trick... Do you just let go and it falls off, or what?

Yeah, I know...I was in the closet the other day gossiping with her pants, you wouldn't believe the shit they were saying about her ass. I just don't have the heart to tell her, so that's off the record.

What are you trying to say?

{Note: Folks the funniest part about the last two responses is that we actually do talk like that. And we understand each other. }

Moving on.

Tell me about your first car.

Oh my...this brings back some serious memories. It was a 1985 Ford Tempo, four door, and it was powder blue. It broke down atleast once a week and more often than not, while you were driving it. I loved that car though, it was the first car I had and the first car I ever bought
on my own. It was also the biggest piece of shit, I have a certificate to prove it.

Yea. That car hated me.

Where was your first place of employment and did your boss wear a hairpiece?

My first job ever? When I was 14 I worked in a soda shop owned by one of my mom's friends. I got to eat ice cream all day so it was cool. I also learned how to make cream gravy while working there. She did not wear a hear piece, she did however wear a wig. (I swear I did not make that up)

Tell me about your 8th grade banquet dress.

Why must you get personal?

Because I just can't help myself. And besides, you were FUCKING ADORABLE in that poofy fuschia gown with the sky-high beehive and purple glittery eyeshadow.

Fuck you. Just for that, I will come into your room one night, after you've fallen asleep and smother you with your own pillow.

Wow. Such hostility! Remind me to get you drunk BEFORE we start the interview, instead of during.

Who was your very first kiss? Are you still in contact with him or do you atleast know which Country he lives in?

I remember this like it was yesterday, I was 14, and his name was Eric. His grandmother lived next door to my aunt, and our mothers had grown up together. It was my first date, and his mom took us to the movies. He kissed me on the way home that night, in the back seat of his mom's Trans Am. He was HOT, he had a mustache too. Hey, back then that was cool. The last I heard, He's still living in Scurry, married with two kids.

What is your favorite vegetable?

Potatoes, hands down. Their just so flexible.

I concur. Potatoes are quite exceptional for cooking and shooting purposes. Or atleast thats what my redneck cousin told me.

What's your favorite comfort food?

This is by far the hardest questions yet. It's just impossible to narrow it down to just one. I once consumed an entire Boston Cream Pie, after a break up.

Why am I not suprised.

Shut the fuck up.

Tsk tsk. Such words for a pretty girl.

Tell me about your favorite scent of all time.

It would be the smell of my grandmothers house. Her pillows always smelled musty. It brings back fond memories of the year we lived on the coast.

Mmmmm... Must. One of my favorite smells of all time. Right up there with skunk and hot beer.

Are you trying to piss me off? Is this the way you conduct an interview? We can take this outside.

Actually, no I wasn't trying to piss you off, but obviously that's not a difficult task. =)

Do you have any kids? Do they know that you're a comment whore?

I have a wonderful 12 year old walking emotional time bomb. Not many people know that I'm a comment whore. It's not something I planned. It just happend. To be honest, I'm really not proud of it. I'm currently seeking therapy for it.

Maybe you could try some anger management classes while you're at it?

What are the three things that you would take with you on a deserted island.

Depends, do I have electricity? Just how deserted are we talking? I'm confused...I don't like this question either.

The island is DESERTED Krista.

Ok ok ok. A lifetime supply of jerky, Ben Burnley, and a lifetime supply of condoms.

So you intend to eat and have sex. Sounds like a plan.

What are you afraid of?

Water, large bodies of water. There are things in there that can eat me. Or worse, enter my body in places that we won't discuss. That's just not cool.

Yea, that sounds painful. I can dig it. *snort*

Did you just snort?

Ahem! What are you most proud of?

My friends and family. I hit the lottery when it comes to the outstanding support group I have.

Do you like Katie Couric, and if so WHY?

Did she do a guest shot on Will and Grace? I don't really know anything about her, so I can't really answer that.

Trust me. You wouldn't like her.

Tell me why you liked/hated this interview.

I loved it, because I was the first! No one will ever be before me.

Plus I get a plaque right?

Ok. Ok! I'll get you a damn plaque. Could you shut up about that already?

You rock.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'll shut up now and give you a chance to ask Krista some highly personal questions of your own. Show her some love.

And that concludes our first interview. Thanks for sticking around this long. If you would like to be the subject of a Wicked Interview, please e-mail me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read 1987 oldsmobile 98 repair manual provigil drug screening Provigil cause weight loss provigil Bontril fioricet australis cosmetics Lotto paxil

4:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been looking for sites like this for a long time. Thank you! » »

11:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY! 22non surgical liposuction 22 Longer seat rails toyota

3:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work film editing classes

2:06 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home