Sunday, January 30, 2005

Where I use the words Cock, Pubic and Bargains

Since I'm super kinky and not in the least shy, I'm going to share a sex story with you, my readers. Both of you. If either of you are offended by discussions of cock rings, pubic hair or bargain shopping... Well, consider yourself warned.

I had never used a cock ring (or better yet, my husband hadn't used a cock ring) up until a few weeks ago. The story of us using this cock ring (no matter what C says) is hilarious. We researched cock rings online for a few weeks. Porn sites, naughty toy stores, erotic stories. We wanted to have "all the facts". That's just NOT something I would want to fuck up. Know what I mean? I can imagine it now... "HONEY, It's tangled in my PUBIC HAIR!!"

Anyway...

C and I like to budget our money. We don't normally buy a bunch of big ticket items unless we really need it. How hard could it be to find a "substitute" for a cock ring? Well, I'm here to tell ya... Cock rings don't have substitutes. We tried an O-ring first. You know what I'm talking about. The type of thingy that you put on the back of a washing machine... Well, it wouldn't stretch very well. (Read - It was TOO small) Sooo, we decided what the hell.

We decided to use a rubber band.

Don't laugh. It sounded good at the time.

Me being a woman, I want the rubber band to be as tight as possible. (The tighter the better, right?) So, I wrap it around his cock.... Twice. He grimaced a little but left it on... Well, we got into it pretty hot and heavy.... and his manly parts were HUGE. Much sooner than I would have liked he starts to slow down. I'm still clawing his chest and trying to keep him going. (Picture spurs and bronc riding) Suddenly, he stops. In mid-stroke. JENN, WE HAVE TO STOP!

Noooooo! Noooooo! You don't have to stop. It will be fiiiine. Keep going!

JENN WE HAVE TO STOP!

Ok... Fine.

By this time, he is doubled over in the middle of the bedroom, screaming at me to go get some scissors.I felt this had to be a bit drastic. Scissors! Ohhhh, To cut the rubber band!! Gotcha. Well, to make a long story longer.. I ran to the kitchen, got some scissors and flew back in to find his balls turning an odd burgundy color and his face closer to the color of white-out. HONEY, Its tangled in my pubic hair!! At this point, I just collapse laughing. Poor C.. He didn't find it half as funny as I did.

Eventually, we did get the cock ring male torture device rubber band cut off of his poor nutsack and he has thankfully made a full recovery.

I wonder if I can still talk him into trying a real one.....?

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