Monday, January 17, 2005

Reason #412 why I live in a small town.

As I'm walking into the super-behemoth-discount-store today, I realize that I've forgotten my all-important list. NOOO! I say to myself as I stomp a little bit and pirouette around to head BACK to my truck. I pushed my basket into a corner and walked stalked back outside, into the cold. As I hop into the truck and fondle my key fob I realize that I don't have a purse. I have a keyfob, but no purse. Wait a minute. Did I bring my purse? My mind goes blank for about 30 seconds and I start to frantically search my truck, front and back seat for my lost mind purse. Can you feel how my heart was pounding? Let me first say that there was maybe $3.17, a checkbook, a drivers license and a great lipgloss in my purse, but not much else. It's just replacing these things, and the pain in the ass that it becomes that makes me go frantic at the thought of losing them. Plus, I have a REALLY great drivers license picture right now. I'm never renewing the picture. Ever. Because what are the chances of getting a good drivers license picture? I digress.

My purse is FUCKING GONE! I jump out of the truck and restrain myself from running through the parking lot and frisking each person as they try to make their escape. I almost shoved some poor old lady down in my haste. I'M NOT KIDDING. Don't laugh, it isn't funny. I felt bad. Don't worry, I caught her before she hit the cement.

The happy ending.
I dashed to the corner where I stashed my basket after saving the old lady and what to my wandering eyes should appear. Of course, my purse. It was sitting there as if I never left it. I was reminded of the other time that I left my purse in the PARKING LOT of the super-behemoth-discount-store. Yea, I've done it twice now.

The moral of the story is this- People in small towns are super-duper nice and they don't steal purses from absent-minded domestic goddesses dumbasses.


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