Thursday, December 30, 2004

I love it...

I love it when you take your bra off at night and the girl's practically squeal with delight. Mmmhmm. It's good to get comfy.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

A and B and why I don't have enough medication to keep me sane.

If you're a new reader or just lacking in short-term memory (like me) then you may not be aware that my best friend and her daughter moved in with me and mine right before Christmas. Just a few days before Christmas in case you were wondering. My daughter, Ally (who is a pre-teen 8-year-old diva) is sharing a bedroom with K's daughter, Bethany (a slightly older pre-teen diva). These two girls alone could crack the demeanor of even the most patient of nuns or priests or blind-deaf-mute persons. They can be on occasion (read: OFTEN) just.that.annoying. Not only are these two girls fashion afficionados, they also love animals, crafts, cooking, singing, sewing, exercising or just about anything that Krista and I have decided to do. (Or so it seems.)

Allyson is the type of young, sweet girl to burst into impromptu tears without a breath of notice.

Me - "Allyson, did you finish your homework/chores/whatever?"
Allyson - (Impromptu bursting of the tears ensues) "BUUUTT MOOOMMMM, I'm woooorking o-o-oo-onn it" *sniffle* *hiccup* *sniffle* *more gratuitous sniffling*
Me - "Fine Ally, it's fine.. Just stay motivated and get it finished so that you can go and do other things."
Allyson - "I TOLD YOU MOM, I'm wooorkkinggg on it!!" *more hysterical crying and sniffling and hiccuping*

Now, is it just me or is this a bit extreme? Because it seems a bit extreme. I won't claim to have all the knowledge and experience in the world, but these types of hysterics CAN'T BE NORMAL.

Bethany isn't quite this dramatic, but her Oscar isn't far from being won. I like to call Miss B the "WET" of the household. "Walking Emotional Timebomb". I was asking Krista yesterday - "We're we this emotional? Please tell me we weren't this emotional. I know that I wasn't this emotional. No Sirree Bob. "

Between the two of these girls, I'm not sure that if I have enough medication to keep me sane.

Ally and Bethany


Tuesday, December 28, 2004

100 Bits of Whimsy

I've done this list before on my other blog, but unfortunately the site lost some of my posts. So here I go again...


100 things you never cared to know about me.

1. My name is Jennifer Lynne (last name withheld to protect the innocent.)
2. My friends call me Jenn, Jenny and Jennifer.
3. I answer to pretty much anything, including "Hey Red!"
4. I'm just barely 31 years old.
5. Ok, 6 months past 30 but who's counting?
6. I'm married to the most wonderful man in the universe.
7. His name is Chris, but I usually refer to him as "C".
8. I gave birth to 3 of the most beautiful people I know.
9. I'm not biased in the least.
10. I have red hair.
11. And freckles.
12. I'm 5'7" tall and I weigh approximately 145 lbs.
13. I live in a small town about 30 miles south of Dallas.
14. Waxahachie is beautiful, quaint and we have atleast 136 churches in a town the size of a peanut shell.
15. I don't go to church anymore.
16. I have very long eyelashes. They touch the lenses of my sunglasses. It annoys the hell out of me, but I'm not sure how to go about "trimming eyelashes".
17. I could eat my weight in Jelly Belly jelly beans.
18. I love games. Board games, trivia games, card games, computer games, bedroom games. ;-)
19. I have ALOT of underwear.
21. I love office products, especially pens. You could go so far as to say that I have a pen fetish. I'm still searching for the "perfect pen".
22. I'm a complete internet nerd. I was once the admin of an online pool league.
23. I've been a member of 4 different gaming leagues online.
24. I've also been involved in atleast 20 different online communities.
25. Obviously, I spend entirely too much time online.

26. I hate fried pickles.
27. I love candles. My favorite scents are apple cinnamon and clean linen.
28. I smoke.
29. I've never tried any drug except for pot.
30. Which I still try on occasion.
31. I want a tattoo, but I'm too chicken to get one.
32. I often go months without wearing any earrings.
33. I keep my toenails polished with red polish.
34. I love music. Rock, Country, Blues, Jazz, 80's, Easy Listening, pretty much anything.
35. Red Hot Chili Peppers make my thighs quiver. (The band not the vegetable.)
36. I love spicy food.
37. I don't have a restaurant that serves Pad Thai within 30 miles of me. Thank God.
38. My children call me Mommy.
39. All of my children have names that end with an "N". Logan, Allyson and Clayton. Yes, we did that on purpose.
40. I don't mind cleaning, but I HATE laundry.
41. I'm a fairly neat person. (Translation - I HATE clutter.)
42. I love my Canon Digital Rebel.
43. I consider myself an amateur photographer.
44. Which means that I like to think that I know what I'm doing.
45. I have had atleast 15 different yahoo sign-in names.
46. I have a cell phone, but I could do without it.
47. I hardly ever wear a watch.
48. I keep a bottle of lotion in both vehicles, my purse, my desk, my bedside table and in the bathroom. Not to mention the assorted "extra" bottles under the sink.
49. I have a major sweet tooth.
50. I have excellent luck with houseplants but horrendous luck with gardening.
51. I generally take baths instead of showers.
52. I procrastinate. Abundantly.
53. I love to write, but I often feel uninspired.
54. I'm a very strict Mom.
55. I love high heels.
56. Baby talk totally annoys me. (oh shoopy boopy baby dumplin = GAG)
57. I've had the same best friend since I was 3 years old.
58. We are currently living together. Her family and mine. Go ahead, call us insane.
59. My oldest son is autistic.
60. My Mother had a heart transplant when I was in the 9th grade.
61. Both of my female cousins died before the age of 32.
62. These things have made me a better, stronger person.
63. I have only one sibling. A brother who I adore.
64. I hate sleeping with socks on.
65. I choose Dr. Pepper over Coke and Pepsi.
66. My favorite perfume is Tresor by Lancome.
67. I sleep with a light blanket and a heavy comforter all year round.
68. I'm afraid of heights but I love roller coasters and flying.
69. I don't particularly enjoy the "69". I'm just saying.
70. I'm terrified of ladders.
71. I'm a very sexual person.
72. Logan's name was inspired by a call from an inmate.
73. The year I was born.
74. I love coffee. Particularly Starbucks Breakfast Blend.
75. All of my children were delivered in the same hospital by the same doctor. Well except for Allyson. She decided to come at such a pace that the nurse had to deliver her. The doctor did arrive in time to cut the cord though.
76. None of my children got my red hair. I'm not sure if that's a blessing or not.
77. I'm a "Scrapbooker".
78. I'm also into digital art and photo manipulation.
79. I'm a very good pool player.
80. If I could have any job in the world, I would be a professional poker player.
81. I hate my hair. Really.
82. I don't clip coupons.
83. I do buy everything in "off brands".
84. I hate horror movies.
85. I have only lived in one state and one county my entire life. (except for the 5 exceptionally horrendous months that I spent in Dallas.)
86. I've been married for 10 years. I still like my husband.
87. I played the clarinet in high school.
88. I love to read.
89. My favorite authors are Sydney Sheldon, James Patterson and John Grisham.
90. I hardly ever watch TV.
91. However I must admit to a freakish love of reality tv.
92. I heart Survivor, American Idol and The Amazing Race.
93. I will never drive a mini-van. It's a deep-seated severely-repressed chemical imbalance due to my Mother-in-law.
94. I would love to visit Italy.
95. I'm a good cook.
96. I have never broken a bone. I'm sure that I broke my toe when I was 18 though.
97. I'm not afraid of bugs.
98. I used to let June bugs live in my room when I was kid.
99. Grilled cheese and tomato soup are my favorite comfort foods.
100. I have bipolar disorder.


Feel free to ask questions about anything that seems odd. I'm sure that would cover about 90% of my list, but nevertheless go right ahead. xx

Monday, December 27, 2004

Carson Kressley - My new psuedo-boyfriend, psuedo-stalking victim

I am in fashion lust with this man. His high-pitched feminine cadence makes my inner fashion model just go wild. Between his regular weekly appearances on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", a new film with Hilary Duff and not one, but TWO new books, he is also a very busy boy.

Carson Kressley has the fashion sense of a drag queen diva GOD. I dare anyone to argue with me. If you do so choose to argue, then you just don't.know.style. Not to mention his blithe sexual innuendos towards anything even remotely phallic. I'm not afraid to admit that this highly amuses me.


"I have no toilet paper in my apartment right now, but I've got a new coat!"
- CK



Carson Kressley if I only you weren't gay; if only I wasn't married... we could make sweet little fashionable babies and shop at DKNY every Saturday afternoon and buy black clogs and Prada bags and Hugo Boss coats.. If only...



Carson Kressley - Cool name, cool clothes, cool quirks, cool guy. Mmmk?


Sunday, December 26, 2004

teen burglar?

This tops my "wierd shit we got for Christmas" list.




Notice the tough looking black ski mask that you would expect to see on a burglar or even a bank robber perhaps.

Next notice the sweet pink tag hanging from the mask declaring the brand name "Girl Connection".

Does this strike anyone else as being.... well... a bit odd?



(I should also note that those are my lacy underpants shoved into the head of the mask to make it more clear what the heck you're looking at. I'm just sayin'.)

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Somebody loves me

I got a Swiffer Wet Jet for Christmas!



Oh yea baby. I'm going to clean like there is no tomorrow. My floor is going to be so spotless that I will probably encourage the children to take their meals under the kitchen table. Seriously, Yo. The floor may jump up and do a dance when it feels the sweet sponge of the Swiffer Wet Jet touch it's dusty, dirty pergo existence. Is it bad that a cleaning product can turn me on?

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Haloscan ate all of my comments. Woe is me. *sniff*

It would be a wonderful gesture of the Christmas spirit and the generous giving component of the season for bloggers to HOOK ME UP with some comments.

Please.

Seriously guys, I feel NAKED!

12 days of Christmas - Fickle style

It's been an interesting month.


On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.


On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine liquid miracle bras,
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.


On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten tripped out hippies,
Nine liquid miracle bras,
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me,
Eleven inches of........... yarn,
Ten tripped out hippies,
Nine liquid miracle bras,
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes!

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me,
Twelve FUCKING PETS!,
Eleven inches of........... yarn,
Ten tripped out hippies,
Nine liquid miracle bras,
Eight rat-like hamsters,
Seven speeding tickets,
Six socks unmatching,
Five cock rings,
Four fighting heathens,
Three big zits,
Two french ticklers,
And a cart full of Totino's supremes.
I've been experiencing severe writer's block lately. In my defense, I have 2 extra people living with me and all of the heathens are home from school. Need I say that things are INSANE?

Soooo, you get a simple blogthing. I'll be back with a new and improved-supersized post later today. xx Jenny
















Friday, December 17, 2004

Where I rescue my pop-tart.



How good are Kellogs Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts?

So incredibly good that you will have to fight your toaster for them. You will have to wield your wooden spoon with a stern hand. The scandalous metal toaster will inevidably FORCE you to gouge it's very depths for the pop-tart it refuses to let go of. You can NOT trust the toaster with the Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tart. Trust me!

My solution? Nuke 'em.







Thursday, December 16, 2004

50 things that I will never do.

50. Fly an airplane.
49. Eat another fried pickle. Ever.
48. Talk back to my Mother.
47. Wear anthing resembling the color "mustard".
46. Listen to Marilyn Manson on purpose.
45. Buy another e-machine.
44. Shoot an animal for sport.
43. Snort cocaine.
42. Tell my Mother-in-law that I absolutely LOVE her new sequined-beaded-cutesy-flowery top.
41. Walk a tightrope.
40. Eat liver.
39. Burn a root beer candle.
38. Change a diaper for one of my own kids. (Until grandkids that is...)
37. Bite down hard on a jolly rancher. Ouch.
36. Perm my hair.
35. Get my hair cut at pro-cuts.
34. Sell Mary Kay. Again.
33. Drink tequila and bailey's at the same time.
32. Drink Southern Comfort. Period.
31. Run a marathon.
30. Drive a race car.
29. Watch a movie with any character resembling Freddy or Jason.
28. Stop loving my family.
27. Waitress at a strip club. Again.
26. Buy a minivan.
25. Have any type of inflatable yard art.
24. Have a broken-down car with the engine hanging out in my front yard.
23. Make fun of someone who is mentally challenged.
22. Cuss at my kids.
21. Forget to tell my Grandma that I love her.
20. Work at a Donut shop. (BAD for the ass!)
19. Drink grapefruit juice.
18. Collect stamps.
17. Pay my water bill on time. (This is seemingly impossible for us.)
16. Disregard someone who is in pain.
15. Worship any other God.
14. Stop taking photos.
13. Learn how to change my oil.
12. Live without a pet.
11. Stop reading.
10. Drink as much water as I should.
9. Tell my Mother-in-Law how much I truly dislike her.
8. Carry a gun.
7. Shop for Christmas before the last minute.
6. Buy a candle at the dollar store.
5. Stop taking my meds.
4. Have another child.
3. Step away from a plate of fudge or a bowl of peanut M&M's.
2. Eat at Shoney's. (Gag.)
1. Eat a bug on a reality tv show for any amount of money.


Share the 50 things that you will never do on your own blog and leave me a link so that I can laugh at your warped idiosyncrasies too!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I love when...

you have a day-off during the week. We can eat homemade fried donuts for breakfast and watch Bob Barker on the Price is Right. Let's hide in our room and have mind-blowing sex during the daylight hours. We won't even get out of our pj's all day long, unless it means getting naked. You can run my bath water and sit and talk to me while I soak. We'll pretend to be young lovers with no responsibilites and little else to do. You can laugh at me when I take a big drink and miss my mouth entirely. I'll take pictures as you nap with your hair sticking straight up and your hairy legs are escaping from the sheets. Let's do the laundry wearing nothing at all, but remind me to get dressed before we cook anything splattery. Hot food popping on bare breasts is nothing to laugh about. Let's wrestle and tickle each other and beg for mercy when we can't stand it anymore. You can sit on the couch and hoot and holler while I parade around in silly outfits; putting on my own version of a fashion show. Who says thigh-highs and camouflage don't go together? Let's be silly. Immature. Irresponsible. We should open a cookbook and make whatever is on the page we turn to. We could get high on the best pot or drink a gallon of wine. Let's take turns wrapping silly things that we already own and pretend to be suprised as we exchange our "gifts". You can show me your "crooked finger" trick and I can touch my nose with my tongue. Let's make out in the backseat of the car. We haven't played strip poker in a long time. Don't you think we should? Let's listen to AC/DC at a mind-melting decibal. We should dance to Bruce Springsteen and sing with Axl Rose. We will play and frolic and tease and laugh and then crawl up on the couch together and drift off to sleep with our legs entertwined and our hearts on our sleeve. When we wake up and the kids and the dogs and the bills and stress are a reality, you know what... It's ok. We still have "us".

Friday, December 10, 2004

Ask me anything...

I found this fun, interactive meme (of sorts) @ Gypsy Girl's blog. (Who I adore and stalk obsessively by the way. Well, in a not-so-weird, I'm not a freak kind of way. . I promise GG!)

A) First, recommend to me:

1. a movie.
2. a book.
3. a musical artist, song, or album.

B) Ask me three questions—no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

C) Go to your blog (if you have one), copy and paste this, and allow everyone to ask you anything.


Be gentle.

xx

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Do me a favor?

I'm worried about her. With the current break-up situation the way it is, her mood has steadily gone from bad to worse. Let me first say that I totally understand this. It's hard to play peppy 24-7 when your life is being turned upside down and then shaken like a piggy bank. It's scary, sad, hurtful and so many more depressing synonyms. But... (you knew there was going to be a "but", didn't you?) This honestly is not the end of the world! It's really not. If I remember correctly... (insert that annoying best friend voice of one who knows everything about your personal life) You've been through far worse than this. Remember how hard it was with Chris? (not my Chris for you readers who don't know the history... lol) Leaving a husband who loved you was hard! You cried and cried. I remember the sorrow you bore. Leaving someone who treats you like shit and doesn't even apologize for it? Well, I think that is going to be ALOT easier. Just a hunch.

Do me a favor? In the coming days when you think nothing will ever go right again and nothing you know is familiar, remember what you've been through. Who you have become. The strength and determination you possess is there, its obvious to all of us who know you and love you.

Trust me.

Monday, December 06, 2004

One Big Happy...

Have you ever been incredibly happy and absolutely terrified all at once? My emotions have run the complete gamut today. Happy and content; Depressed and pitiful; Seething mad; Antsy and fretful; and now incredibly happy and absolutely terrified.

My best friend and her daughter are about to move in with us. Lock, stock and barrel. (Whoa, I just read what I typed.) I won't go into the specifics (she has a blog of her own, and I'll leave it up to her whether or not the specifics are shared) but K's in a relationship that has only gone from bad to worse in the last few months. It's time to get out. You know how there is always that moment when you know? You know that you can't take any.more.crap. She needs to move. Hell, I can't let her live on the street. Or worse, her car! She will be couchin' it, and brookers will sleep with Ally. (Yea, I can see that working. We need more duct tape. Not for K.)

C is handling this really well. He hasn't cussed even once! In the past few months its become increasingly easier to be in the same room with C and K. For a few years they would fight and nit and pick and throw stuff at each other. It wasn't fun for me. Now, it's like we're the three amigos or something. The three of us can sit and talk and laugh and watch tv and cook and eat and and and... other stuff that I can't think of, for hours, days! It's fun for me again. Yay me!

My hope is that this (brief) stint as roommates will make us stronger, sweeter, smarter and more patient. We will embark on this adventure with a positive attitude and a resolve to make things work for the good of the whole. I would also hope for as little bloodshed as possible.


Saturday, December 04, 2004

Insurance Company Jackasses

We received this today from MetLife. -

Dear Christopher H.,

We have considered carefully the Statement of Health you submitted requesting Spouse Term Life benefits. We regret to inform you, however, that we find it necessary to decline the request for coverage at this time because of history of treatment for bipolar disorder.

(I would like for it to be noted that I typed that entire paragraph and didn't make one mistake; until, I began to brag and fucked up on the third word. Bah.) I digress.

Apparently, I'm not worthy of Life Insurance because I've "spent time" in the looney bin. Are they afraid that I'm going to throw myself out of a window? I'm seriously confused about this. If i'm not mistaken there are clauses in insurance policies that make it impossible for people to commit suicide and allow their family to collect........ right? RIGHT?

I can honestly say that I'm not suprised. But, I never dreamed that it would be my BP that caused it. I had cervical cancer when I was 28 and had to have a full hysterectomy, surely that would have been a stronger reason for a denial. That was only three years ago. Jackasses.

I really hate dealing with this kind of CRAP. Insurance companies, mortgage companies, phone companies, etc. etc.. My dream would be to have a secretary of my very own. Someone who can balance the checkbook, pay the bills, answer the phones, return emails...

Anyone want a job? I can't pay you, but you will never feel unappreciated. =)

I need help planning the demise figuring out a response for these jackasses.

If your familiar with insurance claims and mental health, please email me. I could use some sage advice. Thanks.


Friday, December 03, 2004

Typos

If you're bored; you love art; or you're interested in typography, you will adore this little toy. So very COOL.

Here's what happened when I plugged in "Fickle Whimsy".



I'm obviously bored. xx

Thursday, December 02, 2004

pure mush

Top ten reasons why I :heart: my husband -

#10. He knows how to fix stuff. lots of stuff. like electrical stuff.

#9. He looks so adorable and nerdy in his little oval frame glasses.


#8. He makes the best bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches ever.

#7. He hates his job (sometimes), but wouldn't dream of leaving it.

#6. He makes me coffee.

#5. He's tall. With broad shoulders. Long legs. Big feet....

#4. He makes me laugh. Alot.

#3. He's persistant in his efforts to keep ME sane.

#2. He cleans house. and doesn't bitch about it. much.

And the number one reason why I love my husband is...

#1. He loves me.


Say it with me. Awwww...

I love when...

you make that little slurpy yum yum sound when I hand you crackers or a cup of a juice or even a sandwich. Clayton you are so appreciative and thankful.

Let's work on the chanting though, k?
"I want juice, I want juice, I want juice" chanted over and over and over until I finally stop whatever I'm doing and devote myself entirely to you, is not working for me.

Slimy Hooks

Krista and I went out tonight, for our weekly "Girls Night Out". Back to the Boxcar for more exciting honky tonk action. Yea, that was a total clusterfuck of a sentence.

Joshua was there tonight. Joshua thinks that he is a stud. He is the type to walk up and put his arm around your shoulders, look deep into your eyes and smile that slow (supposedly sexy) smile. Like - Baby, you know you want me. [Excuse me while I gag myself with this cue stick] At one point I was walking back from the bathroom and passing his table, (it was right next to ours!) and he literally pointed to his lap as if I should... What? Sit down? Ok, You're kidding me right? You really think I'm going to plant my ample ass in your arrogant obnoxious lap? Oh no honey. Oh no. Joshua also likes to tell jokes. Alot. He will tell you this really vulgar joke and then just look at you with that little innocent smile and you just don't have the heart to tell him what an ass he is. It's hard for me. It really is. I want to just smile and say "please take your slimy hooks off of my cashmere." The funny part is, Joshua is actually quite cute in that 25 year old, baby face, blonde hair, blue eyed obnoxious kind of way. Maybe there's still hope for him...

Anyway. We had fun and I believe that the pool standings actually came out pretty even. I won some and she won some. Thanks Kris, I had a great time.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

I love how...

you understand the absolute necessity of turning your socks right side out before leaving them ON the coffee table all night.